1. Look Outside The Circle

Notice who isn't included and include them!

When I was little, my Grandpa would ask me, “Is there anyone in your class who maybe doesn’t have any friends, or isn’t as included as others?” And sadly, I would often reply with “yes”. To which he would ask, “and what did you do to help them feel more included?”.

This has always stuck with me. He invited me to really notice the dynamics of the room or the group. He wanted me to really see someone who maybe others didn’t see. And not only that, but he encouraged me to help be the reason someone didn’t feel left out and alone. Now, I’m not saying my young self knew exactly how to do this, but it opened my eyes. I wanted to be able to have an answer to that question in the future. Mostly, this question was one of those seeds that got planted in my heart early on.

In my adolescence, my Youth Leader at church would always say, “Look outside the circle”. She was inviting me (and all of us) to notice who wasn’t included. She would say that over and over. Then one summer at camp, I was between my 8th and 9th grade year, I noticed my friends and I were standing in a circle. I took a step out, and I noticed a newer kid, younger than me, sitting on the patio right near us. I had this “ah ha!” moment… he was outside the circle! So I went and sat with him. I got to know him and made sure to say hi when I saw him, or tried to include him in activities throughout the week. That was the moment I really got what my Grandpa and my Youth Leader were telling me. Look beyond yourself. Notice. Invite!

There have been times in my life where I wish someone had done this for me - noticed me, invited me in, or stood up for my right to be included. And, there have been times in my life where I wish I’d been braver to step outside and include someone. I think it takes some intentionality and courage to do this. First, to be aware enough to look beyond your own experience. Second, to acknowledge that someone might be having a different experience. Third, to have the courage to then go up and make a connection with that person. Last step I think is to invite them and to help them make connections.

In my work in Youth Ministry “look outside the circle” has turned into the phrase “Active Inclusion”. We talk about how it isn’t just enough to notice that someone is being left out, but then you can go actively engage with them and invite them. It’s the acknowledgement that there’s an invitation to action.

Learning this lesson was a huge gift to my own sense of value, worth and confidence. I realized I had the power to make a difference in someone’s life. I have made great friends from just being brave enough to go up and say “hi”. I have learned to have more confidence to strike up conversations and have learned things from the people I’ve met! So, look around the room, look outside the circle, notice who isn’t included and include them. It’s a gesture that can make a huge difference in someone’s life. By doing so you are telling that person that they matter, they are needed and they are important. What a gift!

Reflection Question: When in your life have you noticed and invited someone to join in? What have you learned from these times? (feel free to comment on this blog!)

Songs:

Stand With Me - Ginny Owens - I chose this song to share because sometimes reaching out and connecting with someone means standing with them. Standing in solidarity. Risking social norms, or risking going against others to make sure someone is seen and included. And, this is also a faith song, reminding us that God can give us that strength.

You’ve Got A Friend In me - Jordan Fisher, Olivia Holt - I chose this song to share because I think it’s that reminder that good friends can be made when we reach out. You never know! And I think at the heart of that reaching out is the statement, “you have a friend in me”.

Draw The Circle Wide - Hymn by Gordon Light and Mark Miller - One of my besties (we grew up in church together) texted and said “your post reminds me of Draw The Circle Wide”! Of course! Why didn’t I think to add this! So, here I am, editing this post to add it! Thanks Cara! This hymn invites us all to open up our circles, include people and not let anyone stand alone. Amen!